Krystina: A note before the episode begins: it’s a weird one. In fact it wasn’t actually written by the normal writer. It doesn’t actually fit in with the Sailor Moo plot line either. Anyways, cue the theme song!
*Theme song*
Krystina: Due to Niki’s persistence that they all see the brand new walrus Niki had found - or Walrus 2.0, as Niki liked to call him – all the senshi were trapped watching Julie play her Nintendo 2064 until Niki found her video game.
Mallory: I’m confused, the walrus returns?
Valerie: Actually Mallory, I think there’s a brand new walrus Niki wants to show us.
Krystina: Suddenly Niki’s door swung open to reveal a delighted young girl holding up a grey cartridge.
Niki: It’s Digimon World 4!
Bob: Why did I have to go looking for it with you?
Niki: You didn’t look with me, Bob, you looked for me. I just watched as you complained and slowly checked off fat jokes in my mind every time you fell over because you had to look under something.
Bob: Hey!
Valerie: Only jackasses eat hay, Bob.
Krystina: Niki showed all the senshi how to play this new Digimon video game, which was filled with adorably painful little monsters that turned into horrific dreams from a young child’s nightmare. In the end, all the senshi wanted to play. But of course a Nintendo 2064 has only four controllers, so Bob had to watch.
Valerie: Hey cool, I just turned in to a dinosaur!
Julie: I think you were a dinosaur before, Valerie....
Valerie: Yeah but now I’m big enough to bite your head off.
Niki: Hey, no fair! That was my Digimon!
Valerie: It’s not my fault! You all look the same! It’s like biting the heads off of thousands of skater boys! Only Digimon have normal looking clothes...
Bob: When do I get to play!?
Niki: That depends. When are you going to get your Pokedex?
Bob: Pokedex aren’t in Digimon!
Niki: Right, so until you capture all the Pokemon and show us your Pokedex as proof, you can’t graduate to play Digimon.
Julie: That’s what I had to do to become a sophomore.
Valerie: So did I.
Mallory: That makes Bob the only freshmen!
Julie: Damn freshmen!
Krystina: Bob turned on her GameGil (the parody of a gameboy is usually a gameguy, but I always imagined Bob as a more evil serpent of a character then a guy... although a guy is pretty close...) And began her journey with Pikachu to capture all the Pokemon. Sadly she didn’t know that electric Pokemon were weak against rock Pokemon, which were the type of Pokemon found at the first gym, so she found herself starting over quite often.
Niki: Look, there’s Walrusmon!
Krystina: The senshi enjoyed the Digimon game so much - or at least the four that played it - they all decided to play it again the next day after school. Right now they were all trying NOT to hear Bob’s babbling about her inability to get a gym badge.
Bob: I don’t get it! I keep shocking that rock thing but its HP doesn’t go down.
Valerie: Harry Potter?
Bob: No! It means health points!
Valerie: Do I care?
Niki: Walrusmon come back!
Krystina: All the senshi turned to see Niki sleeping on their lunch table, dreaming of the new walrus she has begun to fantasize about rather then the original walrus from Banjo Kazooie.
Mallory: Wait I’m confused.... why was Julie’s Nintendo 2064 at Niki’s house?
Niki: That’s a very good question, Mallory. In fact, I think that is something that will be frequently asked after this episode, now that you mention it. In fact I think it should go under the frequently asked questions page at SOME website.... I hope this answers your question and no I am not trying to avoid your question by talking about nothing. If I told you the truth I would have to kill you. (All this should be said like a governor spokesperson like they’re interested in the children’s future)
Mallory: okay... now I’m really confused.
Valerie: Hey everyone, I want to introduce you all to Visimon.
Julie: Who?
Krystina: All the girls stared at Valerie who seemed to be petting an invisible ball.
Niki (whispered): Oh, this again....
Mallory (whispered): Should we just nod like when she made up that one girl.... what was her name?
Bob: My name’s Bob.
Mallory (whispered): I don’t care what your name is, I’m trying to remember some invisible girl.
Bob: You’re supposed to be the sane one.
Valerie: There’s a big difference between insanity and memory loss.
Niki: So much for whispering.
Valerie: Visimon says he wants to introduce all of you to the Digimon master after school.
Mallory: Awww, but we were going to play Digimon World 4.
Bob: Well, since Valerie is going to meet this DiGi (says like dig then E)mon masturbator guy then can I play to?
Julie (said like an obvious lie): Sorry Bob, I think I lost one of my controllers.
Valerie: Don’t worry everyone, you can all meet him on the game.
Niki (obviously lying to cover up the lie): My bad, Julie, I hid it under my bed last night...
Krystina: Finally the school day came to an end which meant it was time for the senshi to tell their parents they were having a study group, and play Digimon World 4. Although no one actually called Bob, she showed up with her GameGil anyways.
Bob (whining): Can I play now?
Valerie: Did you at least defeat the first gym leader?
Bob: No...
Niki: Then what do you think?
Bob: I’ll go to the
Krystina: The girls continued their game for a short while longer when suddenly Valerie paused the game and pointed at the screen. Sadly the game was in a movie scene so there wasn’t any freeze frame like in adventure mode.
Valerie: Look! That’s the Digimon master! He protects all the Digimon from the evil forces of Blondemon!
Krystina: On the screen was a young teenaged male with long silver hair in an extremely long ponytail. (looks like Sailor Star Healer in male form)
Mallory: Wait I’m confused ... Why is there a human in the Digimon world?
Valerie: Visimon says that humans are called upon to save the digital world from evil Digimon sometimes.
Julie: Still going on about your Digimon?
Valerie: Visimon chose me but I can’t go in to the digital world because I have to find the portal.
Niki: Well if it means being with Walrusmon, I’ll believe in any invisible creature with a name about visibility.
Mallory: Kid of an oxymoron isn’t it... uhhh Niki what are you doing!?
Krystina: Niki got up from her position on the floor, controller still in hand, and walked backwards.
Bob: Not this again! Ever since the time you went through, all you ever do is hurt your head!!
Niki: I’m coming Walrusmon!
Krystina: Niki ran as fast as she could towards the television set, head first, and to everyone’s surprise, she actually made it in.
Valerie: Well, I guess we found the portal....
Julie: Guess we better go after her.
Krystina: Julie dropped her controller and ran head first in to the television, hitting her head.
Julie (sounds dizzy): I’m seeing sailor stars...
Mallory: Weird, I wonder why it didn’t work.
Bob: Wait! Niki went in when she had a controller, but it didn’t work for Julie when she dropped hers!
Valerie: Everyone! Grab a controller before Bob and run in to the TV!
Krystina: The three girls grabbed their controllers and ran towards the TV as fast as they could, leaving Bob without a ticket to the digital world.
Bob: You guys! No fair! Fine I’ll just play my GameGil.
Krystina: All four of the girls awoke in a small clearing inside an extremely dense forest. Julie sadly awoke with a dancing cow head staring her in the eye.
Uddermon: Greetings Julie, I am Uddermon.
Julie: Crap... More talking animals. Don’t I get enough of them with Krystina?
Niki: Look what I got! It’s like a walrus but smaller and fatter!
Tuskmon: You can call me Tuskmon.
Mallory: I finally get unicorn!
Niki: That’s just a unicorn head!
Unimon: You can call me Unimon!
Valerie: Look what I have guys!
Krystina: Valerie stood with nothing in her hands, although it looked like she was making an extreme effort to hold something up.
Niki: Why are your legs shaking?
Valerie: (says as if carrying large object): Visimon is really heavy!
Julie: Well if Bob was invisible and fat, then I guess your Digimon must be also!
Ominous voice: Muahahahahaha you new soldiers of digi-justice have walked into your doom! Prepare to be destroyed! Muahahahahahaha!
Julie: Crap, more evil villains...
Krystina: Julie pulled out her mechanical pencil.
Mallory: Guess its back to This again.
Krystina: Mallory held her pencil up high.
Niki: Don’t you hate when that happens?
Krystina: Niki (for some reason) held her pencil upside down
Valerie: Worse comes to worst, I’ll just bite his ear off.
Krystina: At first Valerie held up nothing, and had to do a double take. On her second try she to held her pencil high.
Julie: Moo Pencil Power!
Mallory: Unico Rhombi Power!
Niki: 24601 Rhombi Power!
Valerie: Psychy Rhombi Power!
All: Make-up!
Krystina: Four digimon (one invisible) watched as the four girls spun around naked in the air, and sailor suits soon took place of the young women’s open nudity. For some reason, Julie took about four times as long to put on one article of clothing, where as the other three put theirs almost instantly.
Ominous Voice: What’s this!? The new guardians are also sailor sushi?
Valerie: Why don’t you stop using that cool echo voice and show yourself!?
Voice: Because then you will bite my head off.
Valerie: Oh.
Vocie: Now go get these new pesks, my great SmeezerMon!
Krystina: Suddenly a giant ball of what appeared to be pure lard rolled out of the forest.
Julie: I don’t think any of us have the power to beat that thing!
Uddermon: We can do it, Julie! Just use the controller!
Krystina: Julie reached for the controller and watched as it transformed in to a small handheld computer device.
Julie: SOMEONE OWES ME A NEW CONTROLLER!
Uddermon: I feel the power of your anger pulsing through me! Uddermon digivolve too!
Krystina: The small cow head spun around in a circle extremely fast, and was suddenly a miniature cow, but with an udder on his head, a really large one at that.
Uddermon: MooMon!
Julie: Oh my god, you grew!
SmeezerMon: Prepare to be trapped in my never ending rolls of jigglyness!
Julie: MooMon, do something!
Unimon: It’s going to take more then one freshmen level Digimon to defeat Smeezermon! Everyone else grab a controller so we can digivolve!
Krystina: Niki, Valerie, and Mallory, each picked up a discarded controller and watched as a magical light turned each to a small handheld computer device.
Niki: Cool!
Tuskmon: Tuskmon digivolve two!
Krystina: The small walrus nearly doubled in weight, but no part of his height was changed.
Blubbermon: Blubbermon!
Mallory: Awesome!
Unimon: Unimon digivolve two!
Krystina: The large unicorn head suddenly turned to a mis-proportioned unicorn with a large head but pathetic body.
Cornmon: CORNMON!!!!
Smeezermon: I’m afraid it’s too late for all of you! Your fate has been sealed within my rolls!
Valerie: Hey everyone, look at my new Digimon!
Krystina: They all turned to see Valerie holding up a giant invisible figure. Valerie looked like she would collapse under the weight of the immense invisible monster.
Blubbermon: Everyone! We can beat this monster! Just use your computer devices to right click and delete him!
Krystina: The senshi all held up their devices and saw the monster appear on the small screen. After that it was easy as right clicking and deleting.
Smeezermon: Nooooooooooo!
Julie: That made no sense whatsoever!
Niki: I got my walrus, can we go home now?
Valerie: Ivisibabblemon says that our mission isn’t complete here.
Mallory: Screw the mission, how do we get home!?
Julie: If we find a car, I could drive us home.
Random Voice (casual as if said every day): Oh, god help us all.
Krystina: All the senshi turned to see a young boy with long silver hair that extended in a ponytail half way down his waist.
Julie: Who are you!?
Valerie: Are you that dense!? It’s the Digimon Master!
Moomon: It’s true!
Blubbermon: He’s the one who is supposed to protect the Digiworld from the five dark masters!
Mallory: Then why does he need our help?
Cornmon: The dark masters are too powerful for the Digimon Master to defeat on his own! So he called more like him to the Digiworld to help!
Julie: Why isn’t he talking?
Moomon: Because we’re too busy explaining the plotline while he fades in to the background. Sort of like Polly.
Julie: Who?
Moomon: Exactly!
Niki: Hey Digi Masturbater guy what’s your real name?
Random Voice: You can call me RJ. But I also have a second identity! One that is more familiar to all of you Sailor Sushi!
Mallory: You mean Sailor Senshi?
RJ: That too!
Julie: And what would that be!?
Niki: Hello!? He’s a Sailor Senshi!
Krystina: RJ pulled out a microphone and sang horribly in to it.
RJ: Digi Dork Power! Make-up!
Krystina: RJ span around in the air naked, but it was censored because male nudity is a lot worse then female nudity. Just watch Lifetime, you’ll see what I mean.
RJ: In the name of computer games for fat kids, I shall punish you!
Julie: Why would you punish us? We’re here to help.
RJ: That’s just my catch phrase.
Krystina: RJ was now a voluptuous woman in a leather outfit that vaguely resembled a sailor girl with a fetish.
Niki: Wait, you’re a girl?
RJ: Just a little.
Mallory: Wait, I’m confused....
Julie: You shouldn’t be. Remember Alexia?
Niki: Who?
Julie: Exactly!
Valerie: That had nothing to do with the previous joke! Remember guys!? Alexia was really a hermaphrodite who turned to a girl to be a senshi, so a computer geek probably learned how to do it also!
RJ: I just downloaded the sex changing software through a bittorrent.
Mallory: Weren’t there any viruses?
RJ: Yep, the virus only allows me to change above the waist.
Julie: Eww.
Niki: Wait, did the authorization code generator work?
RJ: They never do. Especially for Quicktime, so this sex change expires after 30 days.
Julie: Can we just go home!? This conversation is getting increasingly boring and is going further and further away from the plotline.
Mallory: Well the new adventure isn’t just going to fall from the sky.
Krystina: At that very moment, Bob fell from the sky and landed face first in a patch of dirt.
Mallory: I stand corrected!
Niki: Hey Bob, how did you get here without a controller?
Bob: My GameGil allowed me to go through the portal.
RJ: That’s weird there should only be five of us.
Bob: Who the hell are you?
RJ: I am Sailor DIGIDORK!
Bob: Aw great, another Digimon fan. Can’t I be one also!?
Valerie: How many Pokemon did you catch!?
Bob: I tried to get a Catperie but it died before I could throw my Pokeball.
Valerie: Then no!
Krystna: Bob’s GameGil suddenly made a loud ding sound that you can only hear in the cheap video games.
Bob: Aww crap, my Pikachu ran away to join a reform party.
Julie: So much for the plot falling out of the sky...
Krystina: Suddenly a large bat demon fell from the sky and landed right on top of Bob which was much worse then landing in a patch of dirt.
Julie: No wait, there it goes again.
Demon: You will all pay for destroying my worthless minion! But first I will role the end credits! Muahahahahahaha!
The End of Part One